bomb hiroshima

I think I will have emotional ups and downs my entire life. Big ones.
Iapos;m finally recovering from the crap from several months back.

The main route cause was a girl I was in love with saying that sheapos;d never marry me all in capitals and exclaimation marks. My blood pressure was 170 over 111. 3 blood noses in 2 days. Not good.

Coupled with the crap that my former case manager put me through.
And then no one wanted to listen or I was "always too negative".
I listen to their problems.

My blood pressure has dropped to about 130 over 85 and I had lost 5kgs in that time. I am going to weigh myself today. I mightapos;ve put a bit of it back. *eek*.

Blood pressure should be about 120/80 normally.

But itapos;s a full moon and I have started to become more and more irritable and jaded. Not because of that, but for several reasons. Other people havenapos;t picked it up yet, but I donapos;t think I can hide it for much longer.

I came off of my "placebo level" medication a week ago, but itapos;s more than that too. The effects would be negligible. Itapos;s that people are too concerned with their lives to give a shit about mine. OK, thatapos;s fair enough. But it hurts at the same time.

I once made a comment to someone that I could very easily just pull the plug on all of my friendships and itapos;s something that I am in grave danger of doing. Do you know what thatapos;s like?

Whatapos;s worse is that I am giving off mental vibes "stay away" when what I really want is to reconnect with people more.

I just donapos;t know. Iapos;m also planning on broadcasting on YouTube. Donapos;t know what yet. I think I will keep it positive and spiritual though.

The same stuff youapos;d get here but less long winded... (Iapos;m sure youapos;d appreciate that).
bomb hiroshima.